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Old November 10th, 2007, 04:04 PM   #40
Birgit
Wittle Wascal
 
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Clearwater, FL
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Just as a disclaimer if anybody takes offense to my viewpoint, blame it on me being non-american and therefore English being my second language (how's that for an excuse for being feisty)

That being said this thread both makes me incrediably sad as well as give me some hope in mankind - great thread!

What makes me sad is the "wife don't understand me... I'm not allowed to..." what on earth is that kind of an attitude to have to your significante other. It sounds to me like wife is someone to fear and I don't know, like she's your mother and you have to ask her to be allowed.

What happened to sitting down and talk as in both listen and talk and find out what is what I, you and we want.

I like online-inlines post;

Quote:
Originally Posted by online inline View Post
Then comes the secondary guidelines that i've set up that help me achieve rule number one. When me son was born, we (wife and I) had out the issue of the my time vs our time vs your time thing. I came up with the "one-third" (1/3rd) rule, which has worked well as a baseline: one third of my time is spent taking care of our son (quality time emphesized), one third spent as a family together, and one third is my time (see rule number one, and see it without hesitation).

Next within the secondary guidelines came what i think of as the "bowling night" rule: heck, every poor slob in pants deserves at least one night a week when they head out with the fellas and pretends like they have some autonomy, even if it means begging at the front door to get let back in... The bowling nite rule buys me the one group skate session each week when i skip our family dinner and hit the trail with the crew. (On a side note, the second group skate session we have blocked out for Saturday mornings, i attribute to the one-third rule with enough pre-planning and forewarning that it has become a recognized, standing occurence.

Maybe this helps. Hopefully it's general enough that it fits other people's situations. Of course, there needs to be some give and take, which goes a long ways to making anything work.
He and his wife sat down and made a plan, and I assume that the 1/3 where O/I is taking care of their kid, that his wife has time to "me time".

I'm a firm beliver in communication and I can't really fathom that someone can live in a family where "me time" is not allowed or even frowned uppon. Communication being the part where you sit down with the family and find out what is the goals for this family, what do we like to do, where are we going as a unit. For this to work you have to sit down and be honest with your self and your wife/husband and kids and all get a word/wote.

So to you Sheldon, for I don't believe you one bit, sorry but I honestly think that the 2-day-a-week-plan you made yourself, you made that without being honest to yourself or your wife. What will happen when pent up energy has built up and you are ready to... Why not sit down, some night after the kids have gone to bed, serve your wife her favorite (non-alcoholic drink) and really sit down and have that talk about goals and future plans etc. as a person, as a couple and as a family. Of course it will be hard and lots of "made up patterns" will have to be torn down, and a lot hard work is needed, but I'm totally confident that you "bull sheldon" can do that. I'm totally confident that you have the guts to sit down and have that talk about your life with your choosen significant other!
Because I doubt that your wife is ignorant to what is going on in your head. She knows she bougth a "seize fire" for a while, but she also knows that the subject will come up. How long do you want to wait???

And just to clearify that I'm not saying that Sheldon or anybody else needs to skate 30 hrs a week and have to go to every meet they can posibly find, all I'm saying is to stay happy you have to have a plan so that all parts of your life fit in as a whole.

Or as oldnslow wrote, I think that's very wise words (maybe because he's basically saying the same thing as I'm trying to say)

Quote:
Originally Posted by oldnslow View Post
But than he took a drink of his Bud, sat up straight, and said something that I will never forget. Sheldon are you reading this? He said "Son, life is fun if you want it to be".

Life and marriage are a compromise, but you should not have to sacrifice the things that you love and enjoy. My wifes not a skater, but she knows my passion for it, and she would never ask me to quit. I do try to keep a balance though, and currently I am trying to get my kids to skate. This seems to help with my addiction and the rest of my life.
And yes I can already hear the " well it is easy for you to say you don't have a family", that's true I'm single, but I still have to comprimise because there's lots of things that I don't have time to. Like I went to a seminar the past two days because I wanted to and I needed to for my own sanity, but by doing so I did not have time to my bread and butter job and neglected that, so I now have to work on a beautiful Saturday morning instead of going to practice. Would I love to go to practice, sure more than anything, but I also need to get to the bottom of my inbox at work.

Talking about work, better get to that, so some of this freezing cold Saturday (its blue skies, and 71F - brraaaa ) will be mine and my walking boots.
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