Why Are Men Not Marrying And Other Related Issues

[BlackLace]

It's a long listen 24 minutes or so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlvMAS_20K4

It all sounds plausible, but I wondering if you guys agree...

SLF is such a mixed bunch, I'm really interested in your thoughts on this one...

TL;DR : Being a husband/father is now exclusively portrayed/seen as being not useful, just a mug's game for Homer Simpson types.

[Edward Williams]

Not to be disrespectful...but agree with what? She spends an enormous amount of time talking about what she thinks "the problem" is based on theories or conjecture that are not entirely hers, and she admits this so there is no shame in doing it, but what she doesn't do, like so many others, is talk about what people should say and do to solve "the problem". Many people do this all the time. People have been taunt to, and are very good at, over-engineering their vehicle.

This lady talks about so many things and why she thinks those things are related until I'm not even sure what she thinks "the problem" really is. Men don't want to marry? Is that the problem? Why women are "feminists"? Is that the problem? Women shaming men into fulfilling a role in society that has decreasing value?

I mean really....state the problem in the most simplest terms and then people can begin to look for solutions to those problems. We don't want to become involved in "Circular Thought" where people go from problem perception, away from problem resolution, down a diversionary path and then back to problem perception.

[!BEN_HER]

Abolish MTV and other TELL A VISION aka (television) shows that depict that life style...

HipHop song tell girls they don't want a "scrub" for a man (guy with no car)

All the magazines that brainwashes women in to beliving they need to be 90lbs to keep a guy.......

Lot of ways to destroy the institution of marriage.......

Don't forget about money............

BTW in the eighties GOLD was $79 an ounce

So how many think all the contries of the world liquidated the US GOLD supply during that time..........

The dollar is only worth about $0.65

How can you tell.......... Gas

Were all fools in their game.....................................

ROME only lasted 300yrs Our time is just about up

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

Watch the movies Soilent Green & IN TIME
Thats were we are headed
Thats what they think of us

Originally Posted by !BEN_HER

Abolish MTV and other TELL A VISION aka (television) shows that depict that life style...

HipHop song tell girls they don't want a "scrub" for a man (guy with no car)

All the magazines that brainwashes women in to beliving they need to be 90lbs to keep a guy.......

Lot of ways to destroy the institution of marriage.......

Don't forget about money............

BTW in the eighties GOLD was $79 an ounce

So how many think all the contries of the world liquidated the US GOLD supply during that time..........

The dollar is only worth about $0.65

How can you tell.......... Gas

Were all fools in their game.....................................

ROME only lasted 300yrs Our time is just about up

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

Watch the movies Soilent Green & IN TIME
Thats were we are headed
Thats what they think of us

are you sure your not okie?

[Spikey B]

Originally Posted by scrapdaddy

are you sure your not okie?

LOL. I was thinking the same thing!

"did okie spawn a new troll?? Maybe he just made a new username?"

[rufusprime99]

...Because women suck. Men and women have different mindsets. A man has a hard enough time understanding ONE woman. But, that one woman goes off and talks with 4 or 5 friends, a la Sex in the City, one friend says don't put up with this, another says don't put up with that, another says demand this. Now how the hell is the man supposed to keep up with the likes and dislikes of so many women being filtered through his one woman? Women actually share too much. They also relive bs with their friends too often. Instead of getting over issues in a relationship, the relive them over and over with their friends (frienemies) and it does them and their relationship bad.

Feminism: Feminism has not helped much. Men are really like dogs. Pat us on the head, feed us and we will happily wag our tail, pant with our tongue out and do what we are supposed to do. Fairly simple creatures by and large. Find a mate, work your job, enjoy some sex, leave your dirty socks in the living room and take out the trash. Feminists, with all of the demands and dissatisfactions have come along and convinced women that they shouldn't be happy with anything. Reap what you sow b*tches.

Divorce with kids. Men cannot trust women. What man would want to marry a bi woman? Marry a woman, have a kid or two, then the woman decides to bat for the other team. She divorces you, thank no-fault divorce, the kids go to the woman, even if the man fights to keep them, and the mans life and finances are destroyed. And it is legal. The things that go on in family court are unconstitutional. Equal protection under the law. When one gets divorced, the state lays claim to your children, and then tells you how it is going to be. The state takes a "hands off" stance with divorce, but takes a "hands on" approach with dictating what happens to your children. This is WILDLY inconsistent. In all honesty, given two capable and qualified parents, the court should flip a coin to see who gets custody. Why? Because the kids do NOT belong to the state and the current guarantee that a woman will get her child and get child support simply emboldens women to throw away a marriage. Why should the state decide which parent they should reside with. As it currently stands, it is a slam dunk that a woman will get her children. The man is screwed. What man wants to volunteer for that treatment? Who the hell wants to sign up for that when there is plenty of internet porn and sex lube to be had? We are actually becoming "Demolition Man", having sex via internet connection.

General comment to all women: So you are taking notice that things are not peachy. Well, congratulations: your gender is the one f ing things up. Now lets see what you can come up with to fix things. Women have become a huge PITA and men are passing on marriage. YAY men.

[Spikey B]

Originally Posted by rufusprime99

...Because women suck. Men and women have different mindsets. A man has a hard enough time understanding ONE woman. But, that one woman goes off and talks with 4 or 5 friends, a la Sex in the City, one friend says don't put up with this, another says don't put up with that, another says demand this. Now how the hell is the man supposed to keep up with the likes and dislikes of so many women being filtered through his one woman? Women actually share too much. They also relive bs with their friends too often. Instead of getting over issues in a relationship, the relive them over and over with their friends (frienemies) and it does them and their relationship bad.

Feminism: Feminism has not helped much. Men are really like dogs. Pat us on the head, feed us and we will happily wag our tail, pant with our tongue out and do what we are supposed to do. Fairly simple creatures by and large. Find a mate, work your job, enjoy some sex, leave your dirty socks in the living room and take out the trash. Feminists, with all of the demands and dissatisfactions have come along and convinced women that they shouldn't be happy with anything. Reap what you sow b*tches.

Divorce with kids. Men cannot trust women. What man would want to marry a bi woman? Marry a woman, have a kid or two, then the woman decides to bat for the other team. She divorces you, thank no-fault divorce, the kids go to the woman, even if the man fights to keep them, and the mans life and finances are destroyed. And it is legal. The things that go on in family court are unconstitutional. Equal protection under the law. When one gets divorced, the state lays claim to your children, and then tells you how it is going to be. The state takes a "hands off" stance with divorce, but takes a "hands on" approach with dictating what happens to your children. This is WILDLY inconsistent. In all honesty, given two capable and qualified parents, the court should flip a coin to see who gets custody. Why? Because the kids do NOT belong to the state and the current guarantee that a woman will get her child and get child support simply emboldens women to throw away a marriage. Why should the state decide which parent they should reside with. As it currently stands, it is a slam dunk that a woman will get her children. The man is screwed. What man wants to volunteer for that treatment? Who the hell wants to sign up for that when there is plenty of internet porn and sex lube to be had? We are actually becoming "Demolition Man", having sex via internet connection.

General comment to all women: So you are taking notice that things are not peachy. Well, congratulations: your gender is the one f ing things up. Now lets see what you can come up with to fix things. Women have become a huge PITA and men are passing on marriage. YAY men.

Woah. What the hell happened to you in your dating life???

Not all women are gossip queens. We are all crazy though

Just like I put up with Derek's wandering eye (you should see how many kisses and ass grabs the derby girls get when he's drunk) he puts up with my crazy random bi-polar moments. Does he want to get married? No, there's too much planning that goes along with that. Will I eventually force him into it? Probably

[Snarf77]

Hmmm...I'm married. My wife couldn't get by without me and vice versa. I don't get all the butthurt people.

....she lost me at 9:25ish with "maybe deep down, its about positive male image"...seriously. I swear some of these folks just need a good shag with the right mate. I can imagine her next post at 30 seconds vice 30 minutes. Something like:

"all that crap I said before, well, it was crap"

[rufusprime99]

Originally Posted by Spikey B

Woah. What the hell happened to you in your dating life???

Isn't it obvious? Divorce with kids. I was the proverbial good dog. Did my part, and when things ended, you find out that all the laws are stacked up against you. The law is supposed to be fair. It is not. But your reproductive organs are on the inside, so if things go bad for you at some point in the future, the law is in your favor. If a non-custodial parent keeps his kid too long, OMG, it is kidnapping. But when a custodial parent tells you to f off when it is your visitation day, you call the police and they tell you, tough luck buddy.


Not all women are gossip queens.

Really? I took my daughter to ballet for 3 years when she was little. My ex used to love to tell juicy lies about her latest ex-husband (me). It was a good way for her to get the attention she wants. 10 women bought it, one did not. That pretty much is how the math is with women. They then proceeded to give me dirty looks and make nasty comments for the next couple of years. After 2 years, another mother realized she had her head up her azz regarding me and apologized. Not all women are gossip queens, but 10 out of 11 are.


Just like I put up with Derek's wandering eye (you should see how many kisses and ass grabs the derby girls get when he's drunk) he puts up with my crazy random bi-polar moments. Does he want to get married? No, there's too much planning that goes along with that. Will I eventually force him into it? Probably

Generally, a very high percentage of women are attention whores or drama queens. Women want to FEEL something dramatic. It is also true the women all have trouble and dissatisfaction with their men. So.... when some lying sack of sh*t, an attention whore, comes along spouting bs about a man, the crowd of women are quick to jump on the bandwagon. 10 out of 11. Didn't matter that there was no proof. Didn't matter that though I was accused of being an axe murderer, and that my ex was in CONSTANT IMMINENT danger , nothing ever happened. You'd think after years of nothing happening, 5 women would figure out that they had their heads up their azz. But no, only one. Are women THAT stupid, or that weird? That is my case for the fairer sex being extraordinarily sucky.

[FanJet8]

Originally Posted by rufusprime99

Generally, a very high percentage of women are attention whores or drama queens. Women want to FEEL something dramatic. It is also true the women all have trouble and dissatisfaction with their men. So.... when some lying sack of sh*t, an attention whore, comes along spouting bs about a man, the crowd of women are quick to jump on the bandwagon. 10 out of 11. Didn't matter that there was no proof. Didn't matter that though I was accused of being an axe murderer, and that my ex was in CONSTANT IMMINENT danger , nothing ever happened. You'd think after years of nothing happening, 5 women would figure out that they had their heads up their azz. But no, only one. Are women THAT stupid, or that weird? That is my case for the fairer sex being extraordinarily sucky.

Sorry but I couldn't resist this one.........You really don't know much about the ladies Rufus. No offense, but all they want is love and attention and if drama gets it then give it to them. All you have to do is "MAKE THEM DAMN SURE" they are loved, wanted and secure and it's a no brainer.

The one that you are with needs to know....without a doubt.....she is the one and only for you and if you cannot provide that, well then you really don't understand them.

Carry on!

[rufusprime99]

Originally Posted by FanJet8

Sorry but I couldn't resist this one.........You really don't know much about the ladies Rufus. No offense, but all they want is love and attention and if drama gets it then give it to them. All you have to do is "MAKE THEM DAMN SURE" they are loved, wanted and secure and it's a no brainer.

The one that you are with needs to know....without a doubt.....she is the one and only for you and if you cannot provide that, well then you really don't understand them.

Carry on!

Some offense taken. You should know that I was the person who dragged my neighbor to the altar to marry and convinced her that we should make our lives together. She had some very good qualities, one of them being a very good mother to her son. I was also the one that brought some semblance of peace between my ex and her first husband, and I am the reason we lasted 5 years not 2. But, in simple terms, that woman was broken. Her first husband seemed like a DB. He really did. Heck, now years later, he is not a guy I would like to hang with. So all her hate and issues seemed to be justified. After some time, it became apparent, it was more her, not him. I was completely different from number one, and still, all she could muster most of the time was venom and dissatisfaction. I was all over the love your wife thing until she eventually beat it out of me. She was, and still is, just broken.

But her broken state is not what leads me to such a low opinion of women. After all, she is just ONE woman. She went out and spouted off. Over and over. What gets me is the number of women that bought into it. Strangers with no reason to believe my ex or doubt me. Hook line and sinker. And ballet class was not the only place it happened. It happened all through elementary school. My spies told me of the women constantly gossiping about me while my 1st grade daughter and her friends were 5 feet away. My ex was/is, in large part, a POS. Fine. Nothing to be done about that. But what excuse is there for ALL of the other women to SO EAGERLY believe what she had to say, and repeat it to other over and over. Where the F do they get off being so eager to believe something that they could not possibly verify. Where was their common sense? Where was their critical analysis? Why didn't they say, oh, bad words from an ex wife. No big deal. Probably just spouting off. The math at the school was about 20 to 5. Again, not a good commentary on women in general.

FanJet, you got your little part of the world figured out, well, good for you brotha'. But don't think I am some slug that did not do it right. My woman was broken. Period. And like I said, that is a one-off. But the track record of all these other 3rd party women is an incredibly sad commentary on the gender in general.

[BlackLace]

As as outside observer here (I'm asexual and I have never had any urge to pair up) - my main observation over the years has been:

Anyone who feels they must pair up is an emotional cripple.

i.e. they can't give themselves (i.e. synthesise) emotionally what they need. so they look to others to fill the gap they can't fill themselves. And of course in the end no one can, because emotions are caused by one's own beliefs, and one's beliefs are only under one's own control.

I realise I've just tarred 98% of the world with a "broken" label, but hey maybe all those Buddhist monks were onto something.

and then there's my second observation:

Everyone is looking for a free ride

Huge numbers of people go into marriage looking for someone to provide for them. Traditionally, women looking for men to work instead of them, and men looking for women to do all the long hard messy house/child work instead of them. Clearly this leads to resentment and *troubles*.

This gets even uglier with stacked laws, that allow a cunning female to trap a stupid male into procreating, then milking them forever, all as a lifestyle choice. Part of me says stupidity deserves some punishment, but mostly that this is pretty much evil behaviour. No wonder lots of folks just don't want to get involved with anyone when they see this as a possible outcome.

thirdly:

Unhappiness is grief over expectations that died. Expectations that die, are by definition not realistic.

People clearly think relationships are different than what they actually are, and when they find this out (or the other party isn't what they thought they'd be and won't be changed). Then you get all the usual grief symptoms. Denial, Anger, Bargaining etc etc.

TV is probably as much to blame as anyone. Though perhaps teaching kids from day 1 that *everything* they see on TV is a crock of shirt, would be a good start.

[BlackLace]

Originally Posted by rufusprime99

But the track record of all these other 3rd party women is an incredibly sad commentary on the gender in general.

You need to hang out with more nerdy/geeky/sciencey girls. They are far less interested in this sort of gossip/taking sides ********.

[Rogzilla]

Originally Posted by BlackLace

As as outside observer here (I'm asexual and I have never had any urge to pair up) - my main observation over the years has been:

Anyone who feels they must pair up is an emotional cripple.

Is a person who feels they must pair up more or less of an emotional cripple than someone who labels themselves as "asexual" and proclaims they've never had the urge to pair up?

[BlackLace]

Originally Posted by Rogzilla

Is a person who feels they must pair up more or less of an emotional cripple than someone who labels themselves as "asexual" and proclaims they've never had the urge to pair up?

I'll just say that my nature has never caused me to make drastic life decisions that mess up my, a partner's, and a bunch of resulting kid's lives.

[Armadillo]

I’ll Dream This High.Way

You lived too sad, I made you blue.
‘twas not my love that was untrue.
So sure the things I did not do,
Meant love was lost between us two.

Yet speak these thoughts, you would not do.
A phase, I think, we'll make it through.
More space you need, I'll not press you.
I'm good at waiting, you are too.

And so the wall between us grew.
We each held tight to what we knew.
My distance eats away at you.
In such a chill how could we woo?

When minds say nothing's left to do,
To marriage bid a sad adieu.
Our paths departed, now it's true.
A family split in pieces- two.

Yet hearts know minds can misconstrue.
Though rings be split love can renew.
Souls reconnect, there once we flew.
I'll dream this High.Way back to you.


© Copyright 2007 Armadillo (UN: rrledford at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.

[Big Nick]

Nice 'dillo.
Very very nice.

[funkysk8r]

Originally Posted by Armadillo

I’ll Dream This High.Way

You lived too sad, I made you blue.
‘twas not my love that was untrue.
So sure the things I did not do,
Meant love was lost between us two.

Yet speak these thoughts, you would not do.
A phase, I think, we'll make it through.
More space you need, I'll not press you.
I'm good at waiting, you are too.

And so the wall between us grew.
We each held tight to what we knew.
My distance eats away at you.
In such a chill how could we woo?

When minds say nothing's left to do,
To marriage bid a sad adieu.
Our paths departed, now it's true.
A family split in pieces- two.

Yet hearts know minds can misconstrue.
Though rings be split love can renew.
Souls reconnect, there once we flew.
I'll dream this High.Way back to you.


© Copyright 2007 Armadillo (UN: rrledford at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.

wow! Armadillo, i am impressed, your opinion so eloquently expressed-through prose and wit, let us not forget,it's true- you know lots more than skates, plates and glue!! lol (no really, your poem was nice)

[sk84luv]

Originally Posted by scrapdaddy

are you sure your not okie?

Couldn't be okie - not enough misspelled words.

[bmb527]

WOW!! An asexual person calling the rest of us "emotionally crippled". I would guess that truth is 180 degrees away. It is human nature, and natural drive of ALL animals to seek out a mate and procreate. That is just a biological fact. Some animals mate for life, some take a new mate every year or so. I didn't listen to the link, I don't even pay attention to that sort of drivel. As for me, I met my wife Jul 31, 1999. We have been inseparable ever since. She came over for dinner and a movie after we knew each other for 2 weeks and she never left. There have been many ups and downs, even talk of divorce in the past, but as grownups, we discussed things and worked through issues and are stronger than ever. I have lived in NYC while she was with our daughter in New Orleans and Denver and I flew home every other weekend. No one cheated. I have had 6 surgeries since we married. I am having a total knee replacement on May 15. I am used to it. She is a nervous wreck. We stick together because we love each other and realize that life is far better together than apart. We are complete and comfortable on our own, but we are even better together.
As for why people don't marry as much anymore, My best guess is that everyone is too self centered. Even if they don't act conceited, self centered can mean that they spend all their time furthering their career, or off helping the people of the rainforest or whatever. People just don't allow enough time to share themselves with another person, which is truly sad.
Marriage is not for everyone, a person has to be willing to live life with no secrets, and willing to accept a person for exactly who they are. Many people can't seem to do this any more.