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Old August 16th, 2006, 04:31 AM   #1
canada or bust
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Talking Share Your Favorite Jokes Here

i'm taking it upon myself to start this off, since nobody else seems to be too interested

A horse walks into a bar. A man (one would assume the bartender, yes?) asks "Why the long face?" The horse says "It hurt."

Uproarious laughter ensues.

da-dap-daah!

Last edited by Kathie Fry; September 2nd, 2006 at 03:51 PM.
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Old August 16th, 2006, 04:40 AM   #2
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that was worth a chuckle

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam
stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on
earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs!"
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Old August 16th, 2006, 04:51 AM   #3
canada or bust
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ooh that was a good one! that deserves two chuckles
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Old August 16th, 2006, 05:19 AM   #4
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A car is traveling down the highway and suddenly behind it pulls up a
cop car with siren and lights flashing. "oh ****." says the driver to
his passenger and he pulls over to the side.
The Patrolman walks up to the car slowly on the drivers side and the
driver rolls down the window. The Cop reaches into the car and slaps
the driver right across his face."DAMN, why did you do that?"
"Cause....I see by your license tag you're out of State...in THIS
State when a patrolman stops you and walks to your car, you should
already have your driver's license and registration out when he gets
to your window" says the cop.
"I didn't know" mumbles the driver,rubbing his stinging face. "I'll
let you go with a warning but first I want to give your friend here
his lesson" says the cop who walks around to the passenger side as the
rider rolls down his window. When he gets to the other window, the cop
reaches in and punches the rider smack in his face.
"JESUS" says the rider...what was that for? "Cause" says the cop.
"Cause?" the rider asks, "what do you mean...cause?"
"CAUSE I know that as soon as you 2 drive off, you're going to turn to
your friend and say I wish that Bastard had tried that with me"

copied and pasted from an email so sorry for the errors and cussing
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Old August 21st, 2006, 01:55 AM   #5
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Two flies are sitting on the ceiling, chatting. Then, the one fly looks up a little, and says to the other fly, "Hey, stupid. Your man is open."
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Old August 31st, 2006, 06:13 AM   #6
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Default Huh?

Quote:
Originally Posted by canada or bust View Post
i'm taking it upon myself to start this off, since nobody else seems to be too interested

A horse walks into a bar. A man (one would assume the bartender, yes?) asks "Why the long face?" The horse says "It hurt."

Uproarious laughter ensues.

da-dap-daah!
Okay, maybe I'm dense, but can someone please explain this one?
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Old August 31st, 2006, 10:08 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelannfournier View Post
Okay, maybe I'm dense, but can someone please explain this one?
the horse walked into a bar as in ====== you know?
everytime i read/hear that joke, i chuckle a little, i miss being a little kid
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Old September 1st, 2006, 06:16 PM   #8
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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a spectacular gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. As if his prayers were answered, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The Annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was this most beautiful woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he said. "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained. "One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"It's Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"
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Old September 2nd, 2006, 05:08 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by speedysktr View Post
"It's Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba!"
Cute! Cuter if you go to your Spanish/English dictionary and look up "Tonto"
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Old September 2nd, 2006, 03:50 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGlenn View Post
Cute! Cuter if you go to your Spanish/English dictionary and look up "Tonto"
Glenn,
The Lone Ranger was racist? Has Tonto always meant idiot in spanish? That is fascinating. Spanish speaking people would know that the sidekick was called idiot? That is too much. My mind is reeling.
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Old September 5th, 2006, 06:39 PM   #11
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Cool marooned on a deserted island

This old Irishman is marooned on a deserted island and one day he sees a young beutiful woman walking up the beach. He thinks its a mirage until she walks up to him. He tells her he's been marooned for 10 years. She asks,
"so how long has it been since you had a fine cigar?". He replies, "that would be 10 years". She opens a zippered pocket and pulls out a box of the finest Cubans with a Zippo lighter. He grabs them and starts to light up. She then says, "whens the last time you had good drink?" He replies to that, "that would also be 10 years". She then unzips her vest and pulls out a bottle of the finest 20 year old Irish whiskey. "Glory be, you must be a mirage", he says as he grabs the whiskey and takes a big drink. Finally, the woman says,
"And when was the last time you played around?" He says, "Faith and Begora, don't tell me you have a set of clubs in there too!!"
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Old October 1st, 2006, 11:55 PM   #12
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3 guys are standing at the gates of Heaven. God asks the 1st guy, "How did you die?"

The 1st guy replies, "I was robbing this house, when the owner came home and found me hanging from the balcony. He started stomping on my fingers, and eventually hit them with a sledgehammer, so I fell. But I landed in a bush. Then he threw his refrigerator on top of me."

God says, "Well, since you were killed, go on in." He opens the gate and lets the man in.

He asks the 2nd guy, "How did you die?"

The guy answers, "Well, a friend told me that my wife was cheating on me, so I was going to get home early and catch her. I found her "boyfriend" climbing on the balcony. So I stomped on his fingers, and he fell when I hit them with a sledgehammer. But he landed in a bush, so I threw my refrigerator on top of him. But I felt so bad, that I shot myself."

God says, "Ummm, since you felt bad about it, I guess I'll let you in."

Then, God turns to the 3rd guy. "How did you die?"

The 3rd guy asks, "Well, have you ever tried to hide naked in a falling refrigerator?"
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Old October 2nd, 2006, 04:22 PM   #13
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whats blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.
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Old October 2nd, 2006, 10:23 PM   #14
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Talking Is this humor? (I come from Kazachstan)

A walking chair with schoes in the steet, is this humor


This video has been removed at the request of copyright owner Twentieth Century Fox because its content was used without permission

Last edited by skillwilly; January 4th, 2007 at 11:29 PM.
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Old October 2nd, 2006, 10:24 PM   #15
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Thumbs up Do you like me; I'm not sure

He keeps telling me about buying a slave
This video has been removed at the request of copyright owner Twentieth Century Fox because its content was used without permission

Last edited by skillwilly; January 4th, 2007 at 11:30 PM.
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Old October 2nd, 2006, 10:43 PM   #16
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Default Joke about Jews is this funny?

Yes , he himself is a Jew from Kazachstan


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t07trNBusU0

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Old October 5th, 2006, 12:08 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barber View Post
whats blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

lol, i love stupid jokes like that
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Old November 18th, 2006, 11:37 PM   #18
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Default A bug with a helmed

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Old November 19th, 2006, 01:58 AM   #19
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LOL, that one is great
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NEVER use a flash when you're taking pictures of wild geese. After 3 months, I still have nightmares... ohh the pecking!
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Old December 4th, 2006, 07:04 PM   #20
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what's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?




You can unscrew a light bulb.
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