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Old December 23rd, 2009, 04:48 AM   #261
Smartin
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It is near the Christmas break of the school year.. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more
to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."


Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"




Johnny: "TIGER WOODS…. CAN I GO NOW?"
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Old February 5th, 2010, 07:14 AM   #262
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Default New Car !!!




Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."
It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.
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Old February 6th, 2010, 03:26 AM   #263
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Hee-hee, not with both hands and a flashlight!
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Old February 8th, 2010, 10:16 PM   #264
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frosty the GINGERBREAD MEN had a verry evil soul with a corncop pipe and a button nose and 2 eyes made out of coal.
Run run as fast as you can you cant catch me in frost the snowman


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Old February 9th, 2010, 09:02 PM   #265
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Default If we had a flashlight, we could find my keys and drive out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dec8rSk8r View Post
Hee-hee, not with both hands and a flashlight!
umm, I beg your pardon ma'am.
There are those of us that are
more than qualified and know
EXACTLY where it is.

We just act like we don't or
we'd never get any sleep.
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Old February 10th, 2010, 12:31 AM   #266
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Talking I don't know where the heck you went, but consider "tying off" first if you go back!

Quote:
Originally Posted by speedysktr View Post
umm, I beg your pardon ma'am.
There are those of us that are
more than qualified and know
EXACTLY where it is.

We just act like we don't or
we'd never get any sleep.
Well the jig is certainly up now...
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Old April 28th, 2010, 03:43 AM   #267
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I heard this on a movie the other night.....

Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the sh*t out of their dogs.
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Old April 28th, 2010, 06:23 PM   #268
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Tiger is a bit rusty, and figures he needs to practice a bit. He manages to sneak in a round of Golf jus before closing. As he's heading back he runs into Stevie Wonder coming out of the clubhouse, and says "Excuse me."

"Hey, aren't you Tiger Woods?" Stevie says.

"Why yes, yes I am."

"I thought I recognized your voice. We should play some golf someday."

Tiger tries hard not to laugh, knowing that Stevie can only hear him, but finally has to ask.

"How in the world do you play Golf?"

"Oh, it's easy. I just tee up, then I have my caddy walk to where hole is and clap. Then, once I've hit the ball, he moves to the ball and whistles. I then walk to where he whistles, and he goes back to the hole. He even whistles a low note for a wood, a high note for the putter. Given my hearing, It works really well."

"Sure, that sounds um, like it might work."

Stevie frowns a bit. It's obvious Tiger isn't taking him seriously.

"Tell you what, if we play, I'll put a few dollars down on the game."

"I don't know, I am Tiger Woods after all. You sure you want to lose that money?"

"Well how about a million dollars?" Stevie asks.

Tiger looks astounded. The man is serious.

"Ok, sure. A million dollars on whoever wins. When do you want to play?"

"Any night this week."
== John ==
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Old April 28th, 2010, 07:30 PM   #269
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^^^
<snickers> Good one
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Old May 1st, 2010, 07:01 AM   #270
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+1 that was funny! lol
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